you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize