I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
