Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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