He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
