So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
