Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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