when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
