you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
