make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
