Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
