Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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