When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
