D3 body, D1 cock
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
