forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
