The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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