what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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