Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
