"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
