The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
