just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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