Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
