i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
