This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
