you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
