The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
