Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
