just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
