I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
