Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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