I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
