That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
