Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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