Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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