Say something about gay babies.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
