i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize