Sponge bath it is.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
