Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
love makes seman taste better
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
