It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
