This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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