Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm at about main and main street
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
