drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
