sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
