Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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