u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
