Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
