Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
