I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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