i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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