Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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