is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
His nipple licking is glorious
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