trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I pour the whiskey from now on
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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