so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize