So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
