I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
