I hate your face
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
