i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize