I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
