we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
