Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
