i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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