In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
