I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
