I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
