I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
