All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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