There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my being single is dangerous.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
