this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
