My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
